I am wrestling with faith,
I am struggling with hope.
I wish to believe
but my mind just can't cope.
So many doors that must open
and I know I must wait,
but my heart is impatient
my soul lacks restraint.
tell me where are you hiding
the answer from my mind,
I am brim full of questions
I am anxious inside.
I long for a hand
to sweep cares away,
but this seems so simple
a childish prayer to pray.
my cynicism is waiting
like an actor in the wings
it scowls and it frown
at spiritual things,
yet I hope for transcendence
an anchor, frail faith
I hope for an answer
and I wait for the day.

vale island
farewell gentle
nest among the trees.
goodbye sweet place
of self discovery
our time has come
to completion.
I will miss your
sun kissed days,
rainbows
and white clouds,
ripples
and waters song.
vale my island home.

it seems that I am being stripped
of my sacred things.
one by one my life's icons
have fallen away
and I sense
approaching nakedness.
is my soul being lightened,
the cares and turmoil
lifted from my shoulders?
I have no answers
and in the midst of regret
do I choose
jubilation or mourning.
I have been longing for answers.
do they lie in this empty place?
Is there an unseen hand
that has wrung order
from the chaos of past years.
I dare to hope,
to dream,
to find a faith
that is frail
and unsure.

where shall I turn now that the chapter has ended?
I again place the volume back on the shelf.
I have read and re-read the words countless times,
practising my measured performance
to an audience keen to relive the glory days,
but, those days are as finished as this
dusty old book. It is time to start a fresh page.
This is where I struggle, for I have no words
and I fear the uncertainty.
The vulnerability that
would come from me
simply and honesty being
rather than a carefully rehearsed avoidance
causes my heart to rush
and my steps to falter.
The past's definitions feel safer,
even if living them is denying reality.
Oh future there are no signposts!
There is only a blank page,
a small measure of confused faith
and the safety of the past receding
into the distance of yesterdays.
So I am waiting again for God knows what
and silently pray that my trust
is not based on naive falsehood.

The clouds have gathered
the air is still
the birds are hiding
the valley waits
for the approaching storm.
I am alone in this place of impatience
where the only sound is the low drone
of the air conditioner.
It seems to me that I have spent too much time
counting down the hours for the lonliness to break
with the smile of your homecoming.
Can I trust my soul
to stay it's course,
or shall the angst burst through all I have learnt
and mount an insurrection.
The dark clouds lie heavy upon my shoulders
and my heart cries out for comfort.
This is far too familiar.
However I have the sad truths that I have learnt,
lessons that have scarred my life,
their wounds still open.
I am waiting for tomorrows promise of purpose,
but my hope has become frail and small.
How I wish that my faith could mount up
with wings like the eagle
and the song could be real,
the anwers to my prayers,
living lyrics.
Oh melody, please don't rise with lies
in your anthem,
oh song, let the storm of hope
break into your chorus.