sometimes I scare myself
flying with angels
dancing with demons
I can be both
simultaneously.
an errant heart
an untamed soul
a wild spirit
that seeks out
affirmation.
where do I go?
how can I heal?
the memories taunt me
the past haunts me
and now
emotions overwhelm me.
why does madness
appear to be so normal?

I am an addict
looking for a fix.
I am so manic
performing purile tricks
I am a depressive
living in the grey
now I'm just so empty
again I've lost my way.
I love the smell of grease paint
the spotlight and the glare
the whispers of of the theatre
as they listen and they stare
i love to hide whilst playing
for the fame and the applause
but the dressing rooms are empty
when I'm me behind closed doors.

oh light
don't let the darkness
overwhelm me
oh night
retreat from my dawnings,
wounded past,
be gone from memories
that burn like fire,
running riot.

oh light
let sunrise be my guide
and friend
oh sight
don't turn to shadows
for comfort.
lurking within the dark caves
of past's chaos
is pain that defiles the excitement
that still seduces my weakness.

oh ruin
loose your clammy grip
damn guilt
stripping hope from my eyes.
I turn away
I grasp my soul
wrenching it from
it's addictions.

Oh God,
I am damned without
your song
the healing current
that flows so gently
over rocks and rapids.
Oh Spirit,
wrap your fingers around
tortured thoughts
soothing the jagged edges
softening these open sores.
hear my prayer.

A lullaby's lament.

Sleep tight
little boy
Close your eyes and dream
Till the morning’s dawning light
Sleep my little boy.

Sleep tight,
little man,
Growing strong and tall
Life now calls you on my son,
Sleep my little man.

Stay here longer
Till you’re stronger
Don’t grow little man
Sleep my little boy.

Sleep tight,
soldier son,
Before you leave our shores
Tomorrow calls you off to war
Sleep my soldier man.

Catch this moment my heart
As a precious treasure within
Let me hold you one last time
Stay here, stay here.

Sleep safe
my soldier man
The shells now scream and fall
Fighting for some foreign soil
Sleep my little man.

Rest in peace,
my precious son
Memories now remain
Tomorrow brings another’s pain
Was it all in vain
This gravestone holds your name.

Wars are not won.
Winner and losers simply retreat from mutual slaughter
to build memorials to the dead
who were deemed worthy sacrifices for short term gains
made in offices far from the front line.