Again.

again there is no reason,

no trigger,
no sense.
I am sinking like a stone,
plummeting to the dark depths

until the light recedes from
above.
I am exhausted by this roller coaster ride,
from the highs that barely reach normality
to the bottom,
this heart breaking, soulless, stricken blackness.

if I had tears,
if only I had tears.
I would pour out a bitter torrent,
suppressed fears that lie locked,
forever hidden inside,
beyond touching,
beyond contact,
beyond reach.

and I would howl,
I would howl a wretched beast's cry,
echoing from hopelessness to isolation,
a failing, falling cry
waiting,
again
to hit rock bottom
again.