I'm still here

Its two months on, I'm still here. Still struggling, Still confused, Still sad, Still.

It's time to walk on

Yes Billy, it has been such a journey,

From chaos to conservative,

From the rage to the regret.

I see you now, in the distant,

Younger than I am now,

Smiling, laughing, yet lacking the depth

Of one who has had to challenge everything,

Of one who has learned how not to run.

I can now see me,

A little tentative, a little curious,

Not entirely sure,

But still committed to a journey of emergence.

Dearest Billy, we are walking towards divergence,

For I think I see me walking out of the shadows

Of hurt and doubt.

It's not yet goodbye,

But, my dearest traveling companion,

I think it may be time for you to slowly make your goodbyes.

Oh Billy....

Oh Billy,
Where are you?
Have you surrendered to more than you can afford?
Oh Billy
where are you hiding?
Have you determined to seek that which destroys?
Billy!!!
Stand up and be counted,
Billy!!!
Let you voice ring clear.
Billy!!!
Emerge, with a grin and a wink,
Billy!!!
Please come home.


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Question, questions, questions

Question, questions, questions,
That is the question,
Whether to know the truth within
Or to fade back,
Relying on others to define reality.
Whether the musings of an unwell mind
Can withstand the power of one so certain.
Can the seeking of true and whole realty,
An reality that can stand the onslaughts
That confuse and divide.
The truth that must emerge
Unscathed from the twistings and turnings
Of an argument that seeks to empower its right
To remain unchallenged.

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Who?

Who is this man, his face aging, his eyes tired?
What are his dreams, his longings and hopes?
The meanderings and wanderings have led him here,
But tomorrow is again unsure and his mind spins relentlessly seeking answers from the past.
Who are you oh shadow, oh reflection? Where are you going little man, where is your peace now that you have turned again to yourself?
Should I continue to gaze longing for an answer or should I close my eyes and drift away?



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Death in the offering

They promised us a treasure,

a vaste horde of gems,

gold, silver,

diamonds

all a glitter

and a jangling.

just give it all away,

life will reward you

your generous spirit

bringing in the blessing.

well...

you know,

we tried,

we tried and we tried and we tried

until our pockets were emptied

our love exhausted

and lives broken and torn.

they lied..

they lied and they lied and they lied,

their pockets filled

with our rewards.

foolish seekers,

naive believers

innocent and trusting

we died,

and we died and we died and we died.

Postscript

By the way....
Is there anyone out there?
Just say hello,
The emptiness is damning.


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In mourning

So, where is the light now that my batteries have failed?
What is to be heard now that my ears have dulled?
I am turning around, lost and confused,
The map has dissolved, the deluge unrelenting.
I have tried to speak,
I have tried to inspire,
I have tried to succeed,
I have tried and failed.
You, yes you,
You speak of the truth,
But you lie in spades,
Pretty, pretty words,
Filled with bile and bitterness.
So,
Where now?
If you have an answer,
Wake me from the sleep of the depressed..
But do it gently,
Sleep is the ultimate drug.




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Black

Black becomes descending dark.
Dark that refuses to see logic
Or clear thought.
I have lost my anchor,
My little wardrobe of suits
No longer fit my desires,
No longer fit my hopes.
Hopes?
Confusion, desperation,
Longings,
Disappointments..
I saw, such gentleness,
I compared,
Perhaps the worst choice,
Now I am left with longings
That I cannot relate to reality.
Oh my, oh me,
What a joyful place to be.....



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