Dancing

I am a wall, flowering,

turning my petals

away,

from the glare,

from the bright lights,

those giddy lights

of laughter

and smiles

and music.

What of these hands and feet?

Can I,

am I able,

to walk over and continue

the steps we learnt so few years ago.

And oh we danced,

drunk on the intoxication,

the whirling of love

that was liberated from

cheap hollowness.

I turn my back and pray that the wall,

would swallow me,

just a minute would do,

as my mind waltzes around and around

and around.

Your eyes catch mine

even though I am attempting to be

deaf, dumb and blind

and the waltz becomes

a mosh pit

and my anxiety triumphs

over reason.

Can I dance again?

They play my tunes,

and my heart shouts out screaming,

you have no rights

to bare my soul.

How, did I find myself

inside this ballroom,

how did this ballroom find it's place in me?

I am crippled,

I am drunk,

I am stone, cold, dangerously

sober.

Oh God,

what do I do with your eyes

for my heart is frightened

of freedom

and freedom has yet to reveal

her hand.